Unspent Time Launch Party
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Warning: reading this novel may make you more attractive and elevate your random luck by about 9.332%*
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Sunday brunch; the table overflowing with food and drink, the fine china and silverware laid out, the clock ticking away painfully slow minutes before father finally speaks. “Well son,” he says, “isn’t it about time you got yourself a job?”
John looks up from his plate. “Dad,” he says, “I have a job.”
Father nods thoughtfully, chewing his medium rare steak. “I guess it’s about time you moved out then. Found a place of your own. Planted some roots.”
John is baffled. “But dad, I moved out five years ago. In fact, this is the first time I’ve been back.” He looks over at mother, who shrugs and says, “You know dear, your brother has his own business. He set up an accountancy firm.”
John rolls his eyes. “That’s me, mom. I set up an accountancy firm. John Williams and Associates.”
“That’s good to hear,” father says. “Always said you should run your own business. You have a keen business sense. You always had.”
“I just wish he’d find himself a girlfriend,” mother complains.
“What do you mean?” John smiles apologetically at Annabel. “I have a girlfriend, mother, she’s sitting next to you. She gave you flowers at the door, remember?” He points at the vase. “You put them in water.”
Mother waves it away with a warm smile. “Sorry dear, I meant a proper girlfriend.” She squeezes Annabel’s hand. “You know what I mean, don’t you dear?”
Annabel opens her mouth, but can’t think of anything to say.
“Didn’t you used to have dark hair,” father says suddenly, “and not quite so many arms?” He looks John over carefully. “Yes, yes,” he says, “you definitely look different. Did you get shorter?”
“That’s enough!” John gets up. He gestures at Annabel to do the same. “If you cannot behave like civilized human beings, then we’re going! I can’t believe you’d treat Annabel and myself this way. It’s appalling!”
Father throws down his napkin and stands as well. “Serves you right, young man,” he says. “Serves you right for not going home for five years and then ending up in the wrong house!”
… continued in Unspent Time
How to enter:
For the launch of the new novel I decided to discount it to $0.99 for today (PC and eBook), give away some exclusive content, and raffle off two Kindles. All entrants will get:
(Prizes can be traded for Amazon gift certificates if you already own them.)
Just email your receipt to firstname.lastname@example.org to enter.
Each purchase counts, so stock up on birthday presents (for people you don’t like that much, for instance) The discount ends today, but be sure to send the receipts no later than June 1st.
Sound bites from Unspent Time:
“I’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money.”
“I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.”
“I didn’t actually want to do it,” Kiala told the boy. “The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually.”
“Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.”
Here’s what reviewers had to say:
“A veritable page turner of nonstop laughs!” — Reader Views
“An unputdownable read. a Coens Brothers’ film in book form.” — BookReview.com
“Extremely witty and clever writing.” — California Chronicle
“A Party for your Brain!” — Warren Baxter